‘It’s been some time. I really feel such as you’ve been up and right down to York a good bit. How is figure? How are you?’

‘I’d slightly not speak about work if it’s all the identical with you.’

‘Oh, certain,’ I reply, a bit stunned. He has by no means stated that earlier than. ‘Is every part okay?’

‘Yeah it’s simply busy and, I dunno, I’ve received some massive selections to make,’ he sighs.

‘Effectively, I hate to brag, however I’m superb at serving to folks make selections.’

He sucks his breath in.

‘I respect that however I feel I must wrap my head round this one by myself.’

‘Okay.’ I nod. ‘Simply … I’m right here for you, Joe. You do know that?’

He doesn’t reply that, however as a substitute makes a noncommittal noise. I begin to peel the label on my beer bottle.

He appears to be stifling all likelihood of an precise dialog so I reduce to the chase.

‘I simply puzzled in case you nonetheless wished to come back to that marriage ceremony I invited you to. It’s fairly apparent you’re avoiding me, so I didn’t know …’ I shrug, exasperated. ‘Issues gave the impression to be all proper by the point we completed that dinner, or at the very least I believed we is likely to be again on observe, however you’ve gone bizarre and quiet on me once more. We’re meant to be mates and but I get the distinct impression that you just’re retaining one thing from me.’

‘Oh,’ Joe laughs mirthlessly, ‘that’s wealthy coming from you.’

‘I encourage your pardon?’

‘Jesus, Sophie. You assume I’m holding one thing again? Have a look within the mirror! You don’t let anybody in. You’re like this fort beneath lock and key, and the one individuals who acquire entry are your loved ones. Like, I’m right here! I’ve been right here, leaning up in opposition to these fort partitions for fucking ages and I’m fortunate in case you crack open a window for me.’

‘Are you kidding?’ I cry, so stung that I can really feel tears welling. ‘I haven’t saved you at a distance. Proper now I’m the one one who’s attempting right here! Are you solely excited by me whenever you assume you’re going to get laid, is that what it’s?’

Joe lets out an audible gasp and I immediately remorse what I stated.

‘That’s catastrophically inaccurate,’ he says, wounded but additionally cross.

I ought to apologise. Inform him I didn’t imply that. However I really feel so backed up in opposition to a wall, so harm by all this bullshit that it’s come right down to battle or flight mode. And immediately, I’m selecting to battle.

‘Effectively then, what’s it?’ I say angrily. ‘Since you’ve fully shut down on me. Christ is aware of I might do with a pal proper now. There’s a lot happening and I want you, your friendship, and also you haven’t been there. You’ve been a shit mate.’

If I hoped to be ok with that, then I used to be sadly mistaken. The wounded look on his face hits me like a sucker punch.

However I’m far too cussed to take it again.

‘Possibly that’s as a result of we’re not mates?’ he says, rubbing a hand throughout his jaw.

‘Why would you say that?’

‘I don’t assume we’re meant to be mates, Sophie. I simply … I’m unsure I can do it.’

My head is spinning.

‘You’re my finest pal,’ I whisper. ‘Or at the very least I believed you have been. I feel I’d higher go.’

‘Sophie,’ Joe exhales, wanting torn.

However I simply collect my stuff and go away. I can’t consider I’ve made such a idiot of myself.

Chapter 27

It’s one other full week earlier than Mark replies.

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