Shiny blue eyes.

15

Down Underneath and Out

“Are you okay, son? You look a bit off. Have you ever misplaced weight?”

I run my fingers by way of my hair, then flop again in opposition to the couch cushions, my eyes on the ceiling, away from the laptop computer display screen the place I’m video calling my dad and mom. They’ve been complaining concerning the climate and the rise in costs, moaning about my youngest sister altering jobs—once more. Sure, life down beneath is identical as right here.

And now they’ve picked up on me not being completely invested of their complaining session. There’s not a lot I handle to get enthusiastic about nowadays.

“Jamie, my little ghost, you’re making me nervous, inform me what’s incorrect?”

I sigh. Even Mum’s nickname for me can’t carry a smile to my face. I need to say that the whole lot is incorrect. Alison formally has a boyfriend. I attempt to be enthusiastic when Adam talks about him—I don’t need him to assume that he has to cover issues from me. Nevertheless it rips my coronary heart out that one other man sees my son greater than me. I really feel extra alone than ever.

“I’m only a bit misplaced. I’ve all the time had a… girlfriend or a spouse. That is the primary time I’ve ever been by myself. Not having anybody to care about. And I’m so… confused…” I clamp my lips shut. No probability in hell am I telling them precisely what I’m confused about. There are particular stuff you don’t talk about together with your dad and mom. Not till you’ve figured it out your self. I open my mouth to say some bullshit lie, however what comes out is, “It’s made me query my sexuality.”

Jesus.

It’s so quiet. I preserve my gaze skilled on the ceiling.

“It’s… okay, son.” My mom speaks rigorously.

My dad clears his throat. “You recognize… If any of our children had been to return out, we all the time knew it will be you.”

My eyes snap again on the display screen. “You what?” I ask, shock evident in my voice and I’m certain throughout my face as effectively. “You’ve talked about this?”

“We now have mates whose youngsters have come out, so sure, we’ve mentioned how we’d react if one in every of you 4 did.” My mom shrugs, as if it’s probably the most pure factor on this planet. “You all the time had girlfriends so it’s not like we’ve been anticipating this dialog. However… you had been all the time flirting together with your sisters’ boyfriends.” She turns to my dad and he shrugs too.

“I-I didn’t!”

“Your brother would all the time banter with them, however you flirted,” my mom insists, and the reminiscence of one in every of my sisters’ boyfriends involves thoughts. I cherished his firm. He was a bit older, assured, all the time smirking. Shit, his traits sort of remind me of Trevor.

“You couldn’t do something to cease us loving you, son,” Dad says, and God, if I don’t tear up.

“Um, I… I don’t know what to say.”

“So inform me, what introduced this on?” Mum leans nearer to the display screen, mischief in her eyes. “Is it that strapping farmer?”

“What? How do you…? What?” My thoughts goes in circles, it’s all an excessive amount of to absorb.

“You despatched us footage of Adam, and this farmer featured in a couple of of them. Good-looking man.”

I snicker, exasperated.

“He’s, isn’t he?” I lastly admit, however defeat is lacing my phrases as I add, “I doubt he noticed me as something however a summer time fling, although.” His remark about ‘getting some’ nonetheless stings.

“If that’s the case then it’s his loss,” Mum says sternly, her brows pulled collectively.

I huff. “Possibly, however it’s all so complicated and new and… I don’t know. I imply, I’ve lived a lifetime liking ladies, and now… It’s like altering your soccer crew, Dad.”

It’s my dad’s time to huff. “You by no means change your soccer colors, Jamie. However your sexual preferences can certainly change over time.” He glances at Mum who elbows him whereas attempting to maintain a straight face.

“I don’t need to know what you’re speaking about!”

My father simply grins whereas my mom says, “Maybe you’re bisexual, Jamie.”

“Maybe,” I reply, however reality is, I’ve by no means felt for a girl what I really feel for Trevor.

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