Slowly, I turned my head to have a look at him. His face took on a sympathetic look, and he shook his head slowly. “I’m simply attempting that will help you, Julie. You and I have been a factor as soon as upon a time. I’d hate to see him fireplace you in entrance of the entire gala. Particularly in a stand up like that. It’s simply embarrassing.”

My chin trembled, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. Alan smiled at me, knocking his knuckle underneath my chin. “Chin up, babe. I’m certain you’ll discover someplace higher elsewhere. Possibly attempt a library or one thing. Someplace the place you don’t need to work together with folks as a lot. I feel you’ve embarrassed sufficient folks for one lifetime.”

Disgrace settled closely over my shoulders, and I dropped my gaze to my toes. He had some extent. I used to be continually embarrassing myself and others. Grayson’s livid scowl flashed in my head once more and I sank in on myself a bit of.

“I’m… I’m going residence.”

Alan’s voice was sickly candy, like he was attempting to be sympathetic. “You do this. Ought to I let folks know you received’t be coming again or–”

I pushed previous him, making a beeline for the exit. I needed to get out of right here. I couldn’t breathe. I simply stored seeing Grayson’s glare, listening to his dismissive tone. You’ve achieved sufficient. God, I actually was an fool. I bought too filled with myself and ruined what was presupposed to be an essential evening for him.

“Julie?” Bennett’s voice referred to as out to me. I considered ignoring him, pretending I didn’t hear it, however he appeared in entrance of me, Luka popping up beside him. I pressured a small smile that felt extra like a grimace.

“H-Hey…”

Bennett frowned at me, however Luka spoke first earlier than he might say something.

“Hey, I wished to speak to you about one thing. You bought a minute?”

I might really feel the eyes on my again, burning into me and threatening to buckle me. Harsh whispers from the folks closest to me. Considered one of them was loud sufficient for me to listen to a little bit of it and I winced after I heard the phrase ‘whore’.

“I-I’m unsure. I–”

“I do know you’re actually busy with Grayson, and it’ll solely take a minute. I simply… There’s been one thing I’ve been that means to speak to you about and I’m apprehensive if I maintain ready round, I’ll by no means work up the nerve.”

Nodding helplessly, I shuffled ahead, following him to the opposite aspect of the columns, the place there was a bit of extra privateness. He ran his fingers via his hair, anxiousness etched into his fingers. I did my finest to present him my full consideration, however the buzzing in my ears was getting louder and I couldn’t actually soak up what he was saying.

“… I’ve at all times had an enormous query mark about it, however I by no means had the nerve to essentially look into it. I don’t need you to suppose it is something about you…”

My coronary heart stuttered. It gave the impression of he was breaking apart with me and my coronary heart couldn’t take it.

“So we’ve been… experimenting, I assume. Simply little stuff for now. I don’t know. And I used to be pondering, in the event you’re okay with it, that you just would possibly–”

I couldn’t focus on what he was saying. The buzzing was so loud, I might solely hear half the phrases and I couldn’t look him within the eye. If I did, he’d see me cry, and I did not need to embarrass him. I shook my head shortly. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that proper now.”

Pushing previous him, I made a mad sprint for the entrance door. Every little thing had been excellent for a couple of minutes. I ought to’ve recognized it will collapse spectacularly. I wasn’t ok for a life like that, with good-looking males who thought I used to be worthwhile and extra happiness than I assumed doable for one lifetime. I wasn’t meant for issues like that. I used to be a humiliation, an experiment, a short lived determine within the lives of those excellent males.

A sob labored its approach up my throat, choking me, and it was arduous to see via the tears in my eyes. I lifted my hand on the sting of the road, hailing a taxi, and risked a look over my shoulder. The occasion was nonetheless in full swing, lights shining on the historic constructing. I dropped into the again seat and rattled off my handle to the motive force.

Nobody adopted me, nobody made a transfer to cease me. I knew in my intestine, proper then and there, that I might by no means return. I’d embarrassed myself sufficient.

Chapter Forty-5

BENNETT

After I referred to as out to Julie via the gang, she appeared actually pale‌. I attempted to movement to Luka to attend, to speak to her about what we’d been doing collectively one other time, however he’d been nervous all evening about bringing it as much as her, and he wasn’t listening to me.

“Hey, I wished to speak to you about one thing. You bought a minute?”

“I-I’m unsure. I–”

“I do know you’re actually busy with Grayson, and it’ll solely take a minute. I simply… There’s been one thing I’ve been that means to speak to you about and I’m apprehensive if I maintain ready round, I’ll by no means work up the nerve.”

She nodded, her face a masks of what appeared like ache and confusion as she adopted Luka to a close-by column. He’d requested for me to remain, to present him the braveness to speak to her about what we’d been doing. He stated it didn’t really feel proper to proceed with out her figuring out, and I agreed with him, however now didn’t seem to be the suitable time. Earlier than I might interrupt him once more, he began his nervous rambling, giving me no likelihood to speak over him.

“I feel I’m into extra than simply ladies. I’ve at all times had an enormous query mark about it, however I by no means had the nerve to essentially look into it. I don’t need you to suppose it’s something about you. You’re excellent as at all times. I really like being along with you. I assume I’ve at all times simply wished to do extra, you understand? And after Bennett found out what was up, he supplied to assist me determine it out. So we’ve been… experimenting, I assume. Simply little stuff for now. I don’t know. And I used to be pondering, in the event you’re okay with it, that you just would possibly–”

Her expression appeared heartbroken, and he or she shook her head shortly. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that proper now.”

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