“Is the little man okay?”

I appeared up, virtually startled to see Adrian nonetheless sitting throughout from me. “He’s hurting,” I stated. “He went to the hospital right now for preliminary testing. It was scary and a bit of painful, and I wasn’t there.” I didn’t wish to cry, however the urge was proper there, balancing on a knife’s edge. “You have been simply telling me I used to be a terrific mom,” I stated, voice thick with emotion, “and also you couldn’t have been extra incorrect.”

“Whoa, hey, no,” Adrian stated. He reached for me, wiping away my tears. “What you’re doing is courageous, and it’s so that you simply and Elias can have a greater life. With out Hayes, you could possibly quiet down someplace completely and construct an actual dwelling.”

“However—”

He shook his head. “I can see you spiraling,” he stated. “I’m not going to allow you to slander your self, all proper? I wasn’t mendacity earlier than; you’re the form of mom all youngsters ought to have. Elias is fortunate to have you ever to handle him.”

I wasn’t in any respect certain I agreed with him, however I needed to imagine it, so I let myself be swayed. “You don’t suppose he’ll hate me?”

Adrian cracked a smile. “I feel all youngsters hate their dad and mom in some unspecified time in the future of their lives,” he stated. “However I don’t suppose you may have something to fret about proper now.”

I swatted at him. “Don’t remind me of the teenage years,” I stated. “I’m not prepared.” Although I didn’t imply it, not likely. All I had needed since listening to Elias’s prognosis was for him to beat the chances. I’d be thrilled if he received sufficiently old to be sullen and acne-covered, hiding in his room and listening to horrible music. Making it to 13, to sixteen, to twenty-one can be milestone events—they’d imply that he survived, and that was all I may ever hope for.

“I don’t suppose any mum or dad is,” Adrian stated, “however I feel you’ll climate that individual storm simply tremendous. You stored your head even when confronted with a closely armed personal army group; I feel you’ll be able to deal with one thing as pure as puberty.”

He was making an attempt to make me smile, and rattling him, it was working, even once I didn’t need it to. After I didn’t really feel like I deserved it. “I feel—” I sighed. “I feel I’m going to bathe. Flip in early, perhaps.”

Adrian raised an eyebrow. “Would you like me to hitch you?”

I shook my head, pondering of the final time we’d climbed into the motel’s bathe collectively. It had been all wandering palms and searing kisses, and I wasn’t snug with the thought of that proper now. “I’m not within the temper. I’m sorry.”

“You by no means must apologize for that,” he stated, eyebrows wrinkled in a cross between concern and consternation. “I simply meant I may wash your hair. Possibly rub your shoulders a bit of.”

It was tempting, however I nonetheless shook my head. “I’d somewhat be alone,” I stated, mendacity by means of my enamel. I’d like nothing greater than to lose myself to the consolation of his arms, however I held again. What would the purpose be? When all this was stated and finished, what would any of this imply? Nothing. Elias was what mattered. He was the a part of my life that was actual and lasting, and he deserved my sole focus. He deserved a mom who may put the whole lot she had into supporting and elevating him. I’d had my enjoyable, however now it was time to be critical once more.

I left Adrian on the mattress, trying barely forlorn, and dug out my pajamas from my bag. “I received’t take all the scorching water,” I promised earlier than I locked myself within the tiny lavatory.

The fan whined overhead, and the water splashed in every single place, however I stepped beneath the stream and let the water, close to boiling scorching, beat down on my shoulders. Often, this was one in all my go-to strategies to calm down, however right now I discovered myself reaching to show the temperature down.

I should be really delicate after the whole lot if I couldn’t even deal with a bit of sting from the new water. Pathetic, I informed myself. Actually pathetic.

FIFTEEN

ADRIAN

“May you may have picked a extra rundown motel?” Gabe griped the second he and Zach stepped by means of the door. “If I have been searching somebody down, this might be the primary place I’d verify. Jesus.”

I snorted and checked out Zach. “Has he been a peach the entire experience right here?”

Zach gave me a flat look. “Nearly, yeah. He didn’t wish to depart Charlotte and Savannah, as if leaving Marissa and Lacy was tremendous enjoyable for me.”

“Yeah, however your daughter is 9, so you could possibly not less than clarify to Lacy why you have been going. Savannah simply stored demanding to come back with me.” I wasn’t certain how eloquent a sixteen-month-old child might be, however no matter she’d stated had clearly been arduous for Gabe to withstand.

“Oh, I’m glad Elias didn’t try this,” Nataliya piped in, drawing all of our consideration. She appeared sheepish. “I don’t suppose I might have been capable of get within the automobile.”

Gabe’s expression warmed. “See? Nat will get it.”

I wrinkled my nostril. Nat. It didn’t swimsuit her in any respect. “Nataliya,” I corrected.

Gabe blinked. “Oh, sorry.” He checked out Nataliya. “I apologize if that was impolite.”

She shook her head. “It’s tremendous,” she assured him, smiling far too kindly. “I haven’t been in a position to make use of my very own identify in a very long time, so a nickname actually doesn’t trouble me.”

I attempted to not scowl. It was probably the most she’d stated for the reason that day earlier than, and Gabe had gotten a smile. Ever since Sam known as about Elias, she’d been distant, quiet, and unhappy along with her expression defaulting to a frown. Not that I may blame her—I used to be fearful about him even after solely realizing him for a handful of days, so it wasn’t arduous to think about how helpless she should really feel proper now—however we’d known as this morning, and Elias had bounced again simply tremendous. He was chipper over the cellphone, and Sam promised that he had slept properly and wolfed down his breakfast. However nonetheless, Nataliya hadn’t relaxed.

“What occurred with the FBI agent?” I requested, interrupting them. “Did he ever come again?”

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