Have been they nonetheless quarreling over Bella? I’d greatest get my mendacity ass out of the way in which so they may work issues out. “Good night time,” I stated, and out of the nook of my eye, I noticed Ian elevate his hand to cease me, then drop it once more.

I used to be out of there a second later, and my quickly joyful temper vanished as if I’d been slapped within the face. Granda was really dying, and there was nothing I might do about it, and it gutted me.

I managed to maintain calm till I made it safely contained in the Queen’s Room, when every part erupted. My grief, my guilt, my fears, washed over me as I cried. I needed to be the world’s greatest fool. I despised Ian, and but I’d wished nothing greater than to have him wrap his arms round me and maintain me. I used to be confused, obnoxiously needy, full of a clawing sense of loss, and my distress served me proper. I rubbed at my eyes, attempting to push the regular stream of tears away. The salt would bleach my eyelashes, making Bella’s make-up much more troublesome, and I must…

I froze in sudden horror. I used to be rubbing my eyes. My eyes with no coloured contacts in them—I’d taken them out once I’d gone to mattress. I’d seen everybody with my hazel eyes, not Bella’s vibrant inexperienced ones.

Had Ian observed? No, he couldn’t have! The room and the hallway had been darkish, shadowed, and our offended dialog hadn’t allowed time for him to look soulfully into my borrowed eyes. He had far an excessive amount of on his thoughts to note such a slight anomaly, and in addition to, there’d been nothing unusual in the way in which he checked out me, not even when he caught me and pulled me into his arms.

I couldn’t afford to make errors like that. Regardless of what Granda had stated, Kitty wasn’t welcome right here. She wasn’t one of many heirs, she wasn’t even a member of the household anymore. All of the cousins, from Marcus to quiet Valerie, had extra of a proper to be right here.

At the very least I’d stopped crying. I hurriedly splashed water into my face, blinking again at my reflection within the mirror. My hazel eyes had been nearly inexperienced—absolutely nobody would have observed. Individuals didn’t actually take note of eye coloration, aside from romance novels. I used to be secure.

Protected from what? I’d been attempting to go away Mariposa ever since I obtained right here. If I merely advised Ian the reality, I’d be out on my ass very quickly, off on my magical week in Paris, and the cousins might cope with it. Bella wouldn’t fare too effectively if our subterfuge obtained out, however I used to be previous the purpose of caring. Bella was a far cry from the warm-hearted cousin I’d so foolishly believed in, and she or he deserved to select up the items of our shattered masquerade.

There was just one downside with my plan. I didn’t wish to go away Granda. Even in his confused state, he’d identified that one in every of his granddaughters was there, and it could shatter him to know we’d been mendacity, tricking a dying man. I couldn’t stroll away from him, even when it was the honorable factor to do. Honor had taken a hike way back, and all I might maintain onto was my hopeless love for the previous man. The second he was gone, I’d be off, with Ian booting my ass out the door.

And what did that imply about Ian? He’d kissed me, and I nonetheless couldn’t determine why. Why had he hauled me onto his lap, why had he kissed my panic away, leaving me dazed and eager for one thing I might by no means have?

It was all an excessive amount of. Wiping away the final of my tears, I headed again into the toilet, turning on the bathe and stepping beneath it with no regard for Bella’s pre-Raphaelite curls. I stood there beneath the pounding water and let it wash every part away—my grief, my guilt, my confusion, and once I lastly had sufficient, I merely walked over to my mattress and lay down, letting the sheets dry my physique. The hair would repair itself as soon as it dried—the perm had been price each cent of the fortune Bella had paid. I might cope with it within the morning. Within the meantime, I used to be going to sleep if it killed me.

At half previous 5, I used to be awake, and never going to sleep once more. Not with the reminiscence of Granda mendacity there, so nonetheless and grey. Climbing away from bed, I dressed shortly, popping the coloured contacts into my nonetheless swollen eyes. I had no expectations of seeing anybody at this hour, however I wasn’t taking any extra possibilities.

The door was shut to Granda’s room, and there was no noise coming from behind it. He was useless, I knew it. I froze with my hand on the doorknob, after which heard the reassuring sound of the ventilator pumping oxygen into him. Pushing open the door, I might see him in a small pool of sunshine, nonetheless and silent because the machines breathed for him.

I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me. There was no signal of the nurse or physician, which meant he needed to be comparatively secure. Grabbing a big, overstuffed chair, I dragged it to the bedside, the legs screeching towards the extremely polished wood flooring. I curled up into it, taking Granda’s limp hand in mine, and closed my eyes. If he was going to die, I used to be going to make damned certain he didn’t die alone.

Some small sound should have woken me. My eyes shot open, and I might see the early mild of daybreak start to peep from behind the curtains. Granda hadn’t moved, but when something, he seemed worse, with a gray-blue tinge to his crepey pores and skin, and despite the fact that I’d slept, I nonetheless held his hand.

One other noise, and I jerked my head round to see Ian on the foot of the mattress, lounging in one of many straight-backed chairs, and I braced myself for some snarky remark. He would hardly miss the possibility to infuriate me.

However as an alternative, he merely nodded, as if acknowledging our unexpectedly joint vigil, and I leaned again in my chair, attempting to disregard the nice and cozy feeling that flooded me. Ian and I had been enemies, there was little doubt about that. However we had been united in our love for this previous man, and a grief that we might not halt the passage of time. Granda can be gone quickly, and there was nothing both of us might do about it.

Chapter Sixteen

I might have been grateful the nurse didn’t toss us out of the sick room a couple of hours later if it weren’t for the truth that our presence would make no distinction. The grief was like a leaden weight inside me, as my very own respiratory matched his machine-assisted respiration, and I wished to weep, I wished to struggle; I wished to do one thing, something to maintain this from occurring.

As a substitute, I sat, dry-eyed, silent, nonetheless holding his limp hand, hoping that he someway knew I used to be there.

Ian had disappeared when the nurse returned, and I advised myself I most well-liked it that manner. This was between me and Granda, the true me, not the tarted-up parody of Bella. This was Kitty, who’d all the time adored him, even when he betrayed her and let her go.

What had he stated to me earlier? He’d known as me Kitty, however that was merely due to his confusion. He knew completely effectively that Kitty wasn’t wherever round, that it was Bella by his facet.

And but the look in his eyes wasn’t the look he gave Bella. When he checked out Bella, his gaze was fond and indulgent and simply the slightest bit cautious…why did I simply notice that? When he checked out Kitty, there was nothing however love.

Or had been, till my mom had dragged me away from this place and he’d written me off. I’d hoped to make use of Bella as a conduit again to him, however she’d defined in essentially the most reluctant of voices that he didn’t wish to see me. That I’d left and was not a part of Mariposa.

He was a proud previous man, and I’d listened to my mom slightly than to him, not that I had any selection. It was completely conceivable that he’d maintain a grudge.

However there’d been no grudge when he’d requested the place Kitty was. And the heat in his eyes hadn’t been for Bella…

Who the hell was I kidding? After all it had been for Bella—who else would he have thought can be by his facet with pre-Raphaelite curls and designer garments?

I wanted to make my peace with him. I wanted him to get up simply lengthy sufficient for me to inform him who I used to be, to apologize for tricking him, to inform him I liked him.

However Granda, who’d towered over me my total life, gave the impression to be shrinking within the large mattress, drawing in on himself, and I knew he was going to go with out my confession. Most likely higher for him anyway.

“I like you, Granda,” I whispered, holding his hand. “I’m sorry I lied to you.”

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