“I hate you!” I screamed on the door because it closed after him. I couldn’t course of the feelings that had been surging by me. I wanted he’d locked me away in a dungeon, or that he was beating me, however not this, not alone on this room, half wishing him useless and half wishing he was holding me. Had I made the improper selection? I swapped between exhausted and frantic, from sure to unsure and again once more. I wished to drink, however I knew Ray wouldn’t let me. I didn’t know what to do. Would he nonetheless let me go if I requested him? I didn’t suppose so; he’d nonetheless mounted the a number of locks on the door once we had arrived residence.

Moreover, there was no manner David would take me again now. I’d be utterly alone. Who would I ever speak to about this who would perceive?

I knew what I needed to do.

“Ray!” I didn’t await his response. I sprinted up the steps and burst into his room. I’d in all probability pay for that later. What was yet another damaged rule at this stage? I felt a small spark of satisfaction after I noticed the trepidation on his face, however he didn’t again away as I strode in direction of him. We weren’t going to stay like this anymore; I used to be completed. I felt without delay a fiery certainty and a peaceful realizing, as he watched me get nearer, that each minute of daily that I’d been again with Ray had been main up so far.

I sank down at his ft and seemed up at him, assembly his startled eyes with my decided ones.

“I’m prepared for my punishment.”

It took a second for my phrases to register. When the shock subsided, he sighed and shook his head. “I’m not going to punish you for something that’s occurred tonight, Callie. I perceive—”

“Not for tonight. For that night time two years in the past.” He seemed completely shocked. “I shouldn’t have left you. I’ll by no means do it once more. I wish to be yours, solely yours.” I’d thought he’d be delighted, however he solely appeared shocked, even hesitant.

“I don’t suppose tonight is de facto—”

“Please,” I whispered. “Please, Grasp, I’m begging you.”

“Callie, no, you’re too—”

“No, please, please do it tonight, Grasp. I would like this over. I wish to get up tomorrow and be wholly yours. I don’t need my mistake to hang-out us anymore. I don’t need something to maintain me from you.” I knew this was the lacking piece. Ray’s mistrust, his ambivalence, the convenience with which he might change into indignant with me – it was all due to this one unresolved matter between us. I hoped – I needed to hope – that each one that might finish if I accepted my punishment.

“It received’t maintain you from me, Callie. You’re nonetheless mine – extra so at this time than ever.”

“However at this time has simply confirmed that you’re nonetheless indignant with me. You continue to haven’t forgiven me for what I did, and also you received’t till you’ve punished me for it. I perceive that. I perceive your anger, and I perceive your hate, however I would like it gone, tonight, please.”

He sighed closely.

“You’re certain that is what you need? You possibly can’t change your thoughts later. There’s no secure phrase for this.”

“I’m certain, Grasp.”

25

Half an hour later, I used to be kneeling on the ground of Ray’s workplace, ready whereas he set issues up. He’d already had me strip, and the ground was chilly and laborious, however I waited. What I used to be about to undergo was going to be worse than the rest Ray had ever completed to me, however afterwards, I might stick with him realizing that I’d by no means must face something prefer it once more. Releasing a shuddering breath, I attempted to image the best way he’d take a look at me the following day, and daily after that, as soon as all this was lastly behind us.

His footsteps got here in direction of me.

“Take a look at me.” I met his eyes with ease. I didn’t have something to cover anymore.

“This will probably be difficult for you. There will probably be moments the place you suppose you’ll be able to’t deal with it. You will notice me get indignant, however you’ll not see me lose management. I’ll damage you, however I cannot hurt you. And I will probably be there afterwards to take care of you, okay?”

I nodded; the burden of the air round us made it not possible to talk.

He pulled out the cane, and actuality hit residence. I shrunk again, shaking my head frantically. I wished to undergo him, I did, however the sight of him holding the cane once more made it laborious to breathe. I attempted to beg, however solely breathy whispers got here out. I used to be shaking uncontrollably. All I might consider was his rage the final time he’d used that cane on me. I didn’t wish to undergo that once more.

“Sure, Callie. It needs to be the cane. Lie down on the desk.”

“I… I…”

“Lie down on the desk,” he repeated calmly.

Each a part of me wished to run, however I suspected that resistance at this stage would solely result in extra ache. And I’d requested for this; I’d instructed Ray I used to be prepared. I’d begged him to do that, to check me, and he knew precisely how to do this. I managed to pull my ft over to the desk and climb up onto it. I lay down on my entrance, my head turned to face Ray.

“That’s higher.”

I went to wipe away a stray tear however jumped after I heard the cane swish by the air. It by no means landed – it was a warning.

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