“Ack!” I instantly choke by myself spit proper after listening to Kurokawa’s calls for.

She burdened the phrase Girlfriends actually strongly, although… As if she was looking for out if I used to be dishonest on Rachel and Laura or one thing…

I’m most undoubtedly NOT doing that! I can guarantee you that, Kurokawa!

And what was that exact feeling in her voice that I heard? I do know she has her eyes on me for some purpose, however rattling, man, that is one thing laborious to resolve.

“What’s unsuitable? You may’t reply that query?” Her eyes gaze upon me, nonetheless moist from the tears from earlier. Despite the fact that I need to know what she went via that made her cry, I suppose this isn’t a very good time to ask. Will probably be too insensitive of me to give attention to my curiosity moderately than the particular person in entrance proper now. Plus, she deserves to be handled significantly better.

“Maintain on! Ack! Give me a second! Cough!” I stretch one arm ahead, signaling her to cease and coughing my coronary heart out. Seeing so, Kurokawa silently stares at my arm. Though she appears a bit jumpy, reaching out and withdrawing her palms typically like she is making an attempt to carry onto an invisible object, she nonetheless doesn’t transfer an inch. Our bookworm is absolutely the obedient type, is she not?

A sigh tries to flee my throat, however I swallow some saliva to cease it mid-way. Significantly, this isn’t a very good second for it to return out since I don’t need to do something that will make Kurokawa extra uncomfortable. From the appears to be like of every part, she already has sufficient on her plate. There may be just about no want for me or anybody to make her day extra nerve-racking. The extra I perceive her, the extra unfair every part appears and the simpler for me to really feel sorry for Kurokawa. She didn’t must endure from the wretched storyline. By no means!

“It isn’t like I am unable to let you know…” I wrestle to search out the best phrases to place into my sentence.

It’s simply that I’ve already informed Rachel and Laura what I used to be doing, that I’d be discovering Kurokawa to speak to her slightly bit. It is a mere guess, however these two ladies are most likely hidden someplace to evaluate my habits. One unsuitable transfer, and perhaps my cranium shall be slammed into the wall.

Okay, perhaps to not that extent with the present Rachel, however nonetheless… what I imply, proper?

“They know I am right here. I informed them beforehand.”

I’ve had the luxurious of Han’s earlier demise. Most of the time, his deaths have been attributable to misunderstandings simply by doing one thing mundane comparable to speaking to somebody. Loopy as Rachel could possibly be, she was not so illogical that she would forbid Han from interacting with the opposite intercourse. Bodily contact was at all times a no-no, although that was to be anticipated from Blondy.

“I see…” With a voice clearly shaking up, Kurokawa replies. “So it was not since you wished to be with me that you simply went out of your means. I perceive.”

Not good… That was the more severe attainable response… She is self-loathing already! And he or she now not hides or throws any curved balls, too! The distress and sorrow in her phrases are ever so obvious.

Select your phrases fastidiously, C! The subsequent factor you say will both make or break this dialog! Ugh! God assist me! What do I even say on this state of affairs?! How would Han act if he was right here? What would the blessed little one of the system do?

…He would undoubtedly hug her tightly just like the good-looking and charming man he’s whereas saying nothing. A heat hug is greater than sufficient for him to take the center of a heroine.

However I’m not him. I can by no means do one thing like that! I’ve a girlfriend, for goodness’ sake! Suppose, C. Suppose! What else are you able to supply her? Console her, god rattling it! One thing, something…

“It is okay, C. It is okay. You do not have to say something. The actual purpose isn’t that essential anymore. You might be right here now, and I recognize that tremendously.” Kurokawa forces a crooked smile on her face, making an attempt to point out me she is doing positive. “I am sorry for displaying such a depressed sight. It’s essential to really feel actually awkward proper now.”

Dripping slowly, blood from her hand gathers on the ground till a small pool of crimson-red liquid kinds subsequent to Kurokawa’s legs. Though our bookworm is smiling, her feelings are clearly everywhere. When she tries to smile, the corners of her eyes shut, pushing much more tears outward. And when she talks, some phrases are damaged and off-tuned. No doubt, Kurokawa is performing robust.

She appears to be like… so…completely lonely…

“I actually…want you’d be right here solely since you wished to see me.” Holding her breath again a number of seconds, Kurokawa confesses. “No hidden motives, merely since you care about me.”

“…” I stand lifeless in my place, dumbfounded and unable to say a factor.

As a result of she is correct.

I’ve a hidden motive. I need our Kurokawa to know what’s going to occur throughout her occasion. I need to save her from weeks of extreme despair and guilt. I need her to dwell to search out her personal happiness. I need to see Kurokawa overcoming her remorse.

Though all of which will sound like rather a lot, to somebody like Kurokawa, they’re meaningless.

They’re all my needs.

By no means hers. Not as soon as did I care what Kurokawa wished.

I ought to have requested.

Kurokawa doesn’t want something that has not even occurred but. This world has stuffed her life with a lot grief and struggling already. After I let her know a glimpse of the long run, her ache will undoubtedly multiply no less than tenfold. To me, somebody who is aware of the story, her future is extra essential, however the bookworm is totally different. She desires my consideration. Kurokawa desires me to care about her and nothing else. To her, being cared for is extra essential than something.

That’s the reason I can not reply.

“You understand, C, kindness is sweet, but not at all times wanted. Just like every part in life, given the circumstances, it has the potential to turn into one thing lethal. It’s not your fault however mine, although. I’ll get the unsuitable thought if you end up too type to me, C. And after I hold getting the unsuitable thought, the second I understand I can by no means have you ever, it breaks me from the within out. That type of ache is… There isn’t any such phrase that may describe the ache of…false hope.”

I need to consolation her, however I can not. To make her ache disappear, Kurokawa will want affection. Years and a long time of fixed loving shall be required to slowly grind away all of the harm that has been carried out to her coronary heart. But, I have no idea how I can provide her that after I cannot assure happiness to only one of many ladies.

Han is the principle character. He has the power to turn into the harem lord. It’s his future.

There isn’t any future for me. There isn’t any future for us.

I’m only a ineffective piece of shit…

Maybe feeling my silence, Kurokawa steps nearer and continues to talk.

“C, are you aware what I’ve been praying essentially the most after I met you?” The bookworm appears to be like to the bottom, her fists clenching tightly.

Instantly, I reply: “What’s it? If it makes you are feeling higher, then…”

“I want to be like Rachel and Laura.” Kurokawa’s eyes lookup at me once more as she says these phrases. Her voice is sort of like she is begging. “I envy them. I need to spend time with you, too. I need to maintain your palms and cook dinner for you, too. I need to have the ability to get up subsequent to you, too. I need to be the one you see after waking up each morning. I need to be the one to greet you if you come house each night time. I need to really feel cherished by you! What do you assume I really feel once they have the most effective time of their lives whereas I can solely have a look at you from afar?”

“I…I am sorry…Kurokawa…”

“However I do know it is not their fault. We have been born fully totally different, in spite of everything. I haven’t got their unblemished pores and skin, their lovely faces, their eyes, their expressions, and plenty of, many extra… All issues about them screams lovely. The whole lot about them jogs my memory of how disgusting I’m. Beneath these garments are scars, C. Scars! On my face is one other massive one. And beneath these rags are extra scars.”

I do know. I’ve seen it many instances earlier than. I noticed Kurokawa attempt to lower it off, too.

“I want to be free like them. I want to be pleased with who I’m, of my achievements, of my life. But…but…All I really feel day-after-day is the sense of not being adequate. Mom at all times jogs my memory of it. Even when she does not, then my physique will. From morning until night time, I’m by no means free from intrusive ideas! Are you aware that not as soon as I considered slicing my wrist open? The one purpose I’m nonetheless alive is due to my cowardice. Sure, I need to die however petrified of killing myself. Even when ache is one thing I’m used to. Is not that simply essentially the most hilarious factor ever?” Tears streaming down her face, Kurokawa’s voice breaks aside. Nonetheless, not like Rachel or Laura, who would have hiccups whereas they cry, Kurokawa doesn’t.

She…may be very used to crying.

“Is it unsuitable to want for somebody who cares about me, protects me, and loves me deeply? Is it unsuitable to hope for somebody who would sacrifice his life for me…” Her shoulders shake barely as she holds again her tears.

“Somebody…who would embrace me and name me lovely…”

“I am…sorry, Kurokawa.” Ashamed, I flip my head down.

“No. It isn’t you. It is by no means your fault. I am sorry…hic…for being like this. I do know you may’t be with somebody like me, C. You continue to have Rachel and Laura to deal with.”

At this price, she goes to endure even tougher. I would like to think about one thing fast.

“This has been a ridiculous rambling. I apologize for taking a lot of your time. Please, C, come again to class. I’ll head to the infirmary myself.” Kurokawa bows deeply, then turns her again to me and walks away.

Behind her, I stand.

My toes have by no means been so heavy earlier than. My mouth is unable to open.

There may be nothing that I can consider that may say to make Kurokawa really feel higher.

I perceive I have to catch as much as that lonely woman who has lived in whole reclusion. Her shell was so powerful that not even Han might break it open.

Kurokawa, please, what do I have to do to assist?