And but, I wanted to like myself greater than I cherished him. And, till that occurred, I might by no means really love one other.

“However. I can assist you.”

“No,” I shook my head. “No. You’ll be able to’t. I can not depend on anybody else.”

“Okay,” he kissed my brow. “Okay. I perceive. When you want this, I am going to give it to you.”

“No you will not.” It slipped out. I might opened my coronary heart tonight. Bore myself to him and could not cease the ideas and emotions from bleeding via me. “You will abandon me the minute I stroll away.” My voice was choking, ache tearing into my coronary heart. “You will not combat for me.”

I used to be so afraid. I used to be afraid as a result of we would been right here earlier than. I wanted to seek out myself however I additionally wanted him to overlook me. To be there for me after I was prepared.

However I knew he would not.

God, what number of occasions had I seen it occur previously? All the ladies on the golf equipment, with determined gazes on the man who by no means gave his coronary heart away.

He’d finished it to me earlier than, he would do it once more.

“I’ll. I will be right here whenever you’re prepared.”

“I am by no means getting married. Keep in mind you stated that to me?”

“I used to be a child!”

“And also you had been additionally telling the reality! It has at all times been your reality. The one individual you gave your coronary heart to was Honey, and that is okay,” I cupped his face. “She’s a particular lady. She deserves all of the love you give her.” Reaching up, I kissed him, slowly, gently, committing the style of his lips to reminiscence. “I must say goodbye, Knight. I am leaving, right now. Now.” I had my passport and pockets. That was all I wanted. I used to be leaving all the things else behind.

At this, his lip trembled, and he started to shake his head. “No,” he choked out, clutching my jaw. My aspect. He kissed me once more. “No, Tatiana.”

“Sure, Knight. I am not anybody’s pajarita, not the little hen, saved in a cage. I must unfold my wings. To develop into who I will be as an individual. To fill this life with myself. To be the model of myself that can love myself.” I pulled out of his embrace, placing some a lot wanted house between us, earlier than I gave in and stayed with him without end.

“I will be right here, I swear it.” His eyes had been so soulful, so sorrowful.

I smiled, however my coronary heart squeezed tight in my chest.

As a result of I knew it wasn’t true.

The reality that I used to be afraid to confess out loud was that I needed him to chase me. God, did I need that.

To indicate me that he actually cared sufficient about me. To show to me that he would pursue me to the ends of the earth as a result of I used to be that particular to him.

However I might by no means admit that, as a result of I believed it was most likely higher to not need.

And, actually, really…I did not imagine.

He would by no means chase. He would by no means care that a lot.

I actually believed this.

My dad and mom hadn’t. Rook hadn’t.

…And Knight would not, both.

And so, I needed to combat for myself.

I used to be the one one who might do it…

I stood, my coronary heart breaking, bleeding, pouring, yet again. “Goodbye, Knight.”

TWENTY-ONE

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