I hint my fingers throughout his scruffy jaw, paying attention to how each coarse piece of hair feels towards my pores and skin. My hand skims down the road of his throat, then the sting of his collarbone, earlier than feeling the slope of each muscle down his arm.

His jaw tics on the motion, however he stays silent and nonetheless as I do the identical factor up his different arm, collarbone, and jawline earlier than settling my fingers on the longest of his hair on the prime of his head. His eyes shut, and he leans his cheek towards my palm.

“What are you doing?” he says, voice deeper than normal.

“Memorizing you,” I say. “So, I can see you once I can’t. So, while you’re gone, I can fake you aren’t.”

It’s arduous to breathe. Exhausting to face. Exhausting to remain glued collectively. All the things I really feel standing subsequent to Ethan on this sidewalk is pushed by desperation—need, disappointment, dread, hope, guilt, pleasure—it’s all determined. Devastatingly determined.

No emotion exists alone.

“Nel—”

I minimize my identify off with my mouth, hoping the way in which I kiss him says every thing I can’t.

He grips his arms firmly in my hair, as if attempting to carry me in place.

Once I lastly draw back, I’m wrecked.

His face fills with concern as he brushes a thumb throughout my face.

“You’re crying,” he says, dropping his brow to mine.

I swipe my hand throughout my cheek and really feel it lined in moisture.

Then he hugs me, tightly, and I sob into his chest. I don’t attempt to disguise it or reduce it. My cries include shakes and gasps for air. My complete physique is a sinking ship of sorrow.

“It’s okay,” he hums into my ear as he rubs circles on my again. “It’s going to be okay. We’ve a number of extra days, and we will determine it out then.”

He makes it sound really easy, like a mathematical equation we will remedy with a calculator. Like he has no fucking clue how not okay this all is.

I don’t attempt to persuade him in any other case. I wipe my eyes and power a pained smile.

“I ought to go. The children are most likely frightened I’m out right here forcing you into intercourse once more.” I chuckle regardless of my misery.

He chuckles and kisses me on the brow. “I’ll see you within the morning to make everybody breakfast. 9?”

I nod, take a step away from him, and provides him one final look.

“Goodnight, Ethan. Thanks… for every thing.”

Then, earlier than I disintegrate once more, I hurry inside and shut the door with out trying again at him.

Again pressed to the within of the door, Marin sees me excessive of her telephone from the sofa.

“Mother? What’s improper? Are you crying?” She stands and walks towards me.

I shake my head, wiping my eyes, ready for my respiratory to regular or my coronary heart to present out.

“I’m tremendous, it’s tremendous,” I say, forcing yet one more smile I don’t really feel. “I’ve a shock for you guys. I knew while you acquired again, you wouldn’t be up for rather more of all of this, so we are literally flying house tomorrow. It’s early. We’ve to be on the airport at 6:30, however we’ll be in our personal beds by tomorrow evening. Grandpa and Poppy are selecting us up in Miami.”

“Hallelujah!” Finn drops his head again on the sofa in reduction. “No offense, Mother, this has been nice, however I can’t wait to be house.”

His honesty makes me chuckle.

Marin lowers her voice. “Is that why you’re upset? You mentioned goodbye to Ethan?”

“One thing like that.” I say, smiling for actual this time, working my fingers by way of her hair. “Now, you two go pack your backpacks with as a lot as you may. I didn’t purchase baggage so let’s simply pray that the airline will settle for our trash luggage.” I sniff by way of the final of my tears. “Uber will likely be right here early.”

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