Struggling to get up, chilly sweat slid down the corners of his brow, his respiration was sharp and brief, and there was the irritating scent of antiseptic in his nostril.

The snow white ceiling of the hospital was earlier than him. It took a second for Yi Zhize to relax and awaken from the lengthy sleep that appeared to haven’t any finish.

“What time is it?” His voice was hoarse, and people have been the primary phrases he spoke.

Victor exclaimed, “Nice, Yi, you are lastly awake! It is, um, 10:03pm.”

“No, what I am asking,” Yi Zhize paused for a second, “is the date.”

“September 12.” Meng Xing mentioned, “You have been in a coma for a complete 19 days.”

It was September twelfth once more.

“What yr?” Yi Zhize whispered, “What yr is it, September twelfth?”

“Yi, did you undergo mind injury?” Victor’s deep blue eyes have been stuffed with confusion, “What different yr? That is the yr 2022.”

September 12, 2022.

One yr in the past on this date,

September 12, 2021,

was the day they first met.

The timeline had lastly returned to regular, and what he had skilled whereas within the coma was finally an imaginary phantasm.

Yi Zhize breathed a sigh of reduction and hesitated earlier than asking, “What about him?”

An eerie silence fell over the ward.

Yi Zhize checked out Victor, who stammered, “Yi, , I am not good at saying unhealthy information, I do not wish to say it. If somebody has to let you know, I do not need that individual to be me.”

Meng Xing set free a mushy sigh and solemnly mentioned, “He isn’t right here anymore.”

“Not anymore,” Yi Zhize’s voice trembled barely, “what does that imply?”

Meng Xing lowered her eyes, her blue eyes boring, and she or he didn’t reply.

“Yi, I hate to say this, however,” Victor weighed in, “it is advisable know the reality. That evening, he stood in entrance of you. You bled and have been injured, that’s true. However he was injured much more severely, nearly immediately…”

Love and demise have been paired since time started.

The everlasting hourglass of existence turns the other way up again and again.

The transformation of hunter or prey,

whose futility is doomed by the blueprint of everlasting return?

He’s lifeless.

Yi Zhize thought, goals and actuality are by no means separated.

He’s lifeless.

The sport of looking had lastly come to an finish.

Meng Xing checked out him worriedly, “Zhize, it is regular to not be capable of settle for it for some time, we will accompany you as you slowly digest it, in spite of everything, nobody desires to see one thing like this…”

“Inform me,” Yi Zhize was calm and his voice detached, because it was once, “what did he go away behind?”

“The incident was sudden, and after we went to kind out his… after we have been sorting by his belongings, we discovered a will.” Meng Xing whispered, “I do not know why he wrote it, however the will states that he handed on all his private belongings to you.”

Yi Zhize closed his eyes and the face of that physician crossed his thoughts.

He as soon as confessed to him in a frantic tone, recounting to him visions of suicide, and speaking nonsense about giving his non-public property to him.

Unexpectedly,

in unanticipated circumstances,

the prophecy got here true.

“I do not want it.” Yi Zhize repeated, “I do not want it.”

“And,” Meng Xing took a packet of knowledge out of a cabinet beside her, “this was present in his research. It was all of the issues he had collected about your life, together with your mom’s automobile accident. Perhaps he was afraid that you’d be unhappy in case you learn it, so he by no means informed you.”

Yi Zhize took the data, and on the brown cowl was the physician’s handwriting, which learn:

[Ze Ze’s Secret]

[Only I know]

The tears all of the sudden broke out like a flood, and so they would not cease flowing.

The extra he suppressed them, the extra feelings got here out.

He misplaced all management of himself.

He might solely let the tears escape in full drive.

When his mom died, he didn’t cry.

Nor did he cry when his grandfather died.

He thought he was already resilient sufficient to face all his trials and tribulations calmly.

It was solely life and demise,

solely the gap between yin and yang.

It was solely…

that he would by no means be capable of see him once more.

This world,

the entire world,

he was the one one left.

Victor had by no means seen such a Yi Zhize earlier than and mentioned in a panic, “Yi, in case you want…”

Meng Xing held him again and mentioned to Yi Zhize, “We’ll exit first, get some relaxation and name us in case you want something.”

Yi Zhize leaned on the hospital mattress, quietly ready for his feelings to relax.

He did not understand how lengthy it took earlier than he had the braveness to open the heavy doc.

The one that induced the accident was named Yao Minxue.

Yao Minxue was a singer in B Metropolis, single with a son.

Her son was initially named Yi Zhiyin, however later modified his title to Mu Xin.

———

After being discharged from the hospital, Yi Zhize returned to Ou Tingyun’s residence.

He went to his research on the second flooring, opened the drawer that might by no means be locked once more, took out the black notepad and continued studying from the place he had stopped final time.

It was what the physician had continued to put in writing down after he and Ou Tingyun had damaged up.

December 24, 2021

At present is Christmas Eve. If Ze Ze have been with me, I’d take him to the mall and purchase a Christmas tree or one thing. Though I’ve little curiosity within the holidays, with Ze Ze, I get pleasure from no matter I do.

What’s he doing? Who’s he with? Does he miss me?

I actually miss him a lot.

Currently, my signs appear to have worsened. It is so annoying. If my situation will get worse, Ze Ze will certainly get an increasing number of disgusted with me. What to do, what to do…

Cannot harm him, cannot!

By no means…

December 25, 2021

It is Christmas, what’s so nice about this vacation season anyway?

It is only a bunch of silly blind rabble-rousers, brainwashed by consumerism and capital to chase that absurd second of enjoyment.

If solely Ze Ze have been with me, I’d take him out for a candlelit dinner. I do know an awesome place in A Metropolis, and I’d supply him roses and piano music.

No!!! No means!!! No piano music!!!

What a few violin piece? That is a good suggestion.

After dinner, we might go for a stroll on the seashore and I’d inform him concerning the newest developments in my psychological analysis: it is associated to human nature, but additionally to legislation and morality.

He’ll have an interest and we’ll begin debating. I’ve at all times had a contempt for morality and he’ll be livid with me.

I can coax him, kiss him.

We might spend a beautiful night on the seashore.

December 31, 2021

At present is the final day of 2021 and I spent the entire evening downstairs at Ze Ze’s home.

I believed that even when we did not see one another, on this means, it will be a great way to spend this final evening collectively.

Subsequent yr, 2022, we’ll be higher off.

I am going to love him extra, and he’ll (crossed out).

Perhaps he’ll love me too.

January 3, 2022

He went overseas.

January 4, 2022

Insomnia.

Wished to kill myself.

Could not.

January 6, 2022

Go to England.

Sneak a peek at him, only one look.

January 7, 2022

Noticed.

January 10, 2022

Lately engaged on a potion that can be utilized along with hypnosis.

It could possibly overwrite an individual’s reminiscence and modify their goals, however the negative effects should not but clear.

However I solely apply it to myself, it brings me to Ze Ze.

What ought to I title it? Let’s name it Amorze. (Angel: Amor is Spanish for love)

February 6, 2022

Amorze appears to have aggravated my situation and my paranoia is getting worse.

However I am hooked on it and it is exhausting to give up.

Until, except, Ze Ze can come again.

March 11, 2022

I’ve considered a means.

March 17, 2022

I am about to see him.

Quickly,

I am a bit…

April 1, 2022

Meng Xing invited me to a celebration.

Ze Ze got here again.

Ze Ze mentioned he had one thing to speak to me about.

What ought to I do,

it is April Idiot’s Day,

I am so scared that,

it is only a joke.

What ought to I do?

2022…

Yi Zhize put down his notepad and went to the remedy room, opening the silver and white cabinet the place the medical gear was saved.

Within the far nook, he discovered a glass bottle of drugs labelled Amorze.

What would this drugs, injected into the bloodstream, really feel like?

Had that physician, like himself right now, wished to make use of it for a second of delight?

On the backside of the medication field have been the directions for its use, in the identical handwriting because the physician’s:

[Administered intravenously or intramuscularly.]

[The former is the most effective, but has the greatest side effects.]

[Do not use repeatedly and frequently as there is a risk of addiction.]

[Do not overdose, divide each dose into at least 10 uses, otherwise there is a risk of fatality.]

Yi Zhize took off his jacket and took out a syringe.

The syringe was used to empty your complete full bottle of drugs.

Yi Zhize laid on the mattress within the remedy room, undid his shirt and caught the syringe into his forearm.

The chilly drugs trickled into his heat blood.

Yi Zhize thought: Trainer, I’ve come to see you.

It was an autumn afternoon and it had simply rained closely.

Entering into the consulting room, Yi Zhize met the long-established psychiatrist.

Ou Tingyun smiled at him, light and well mannered: “Mr. Yi, please have a seat.”

The 2 males checked out one another for a second,

it was an eternity.

———