Battle and Embrace

Yi Zhize discovered the spare automotive keys in his workplace drawer.

Since he needed to go to Anhe Mountain to choose up his automotive, he left work early that afternoon.

He took a taxi to the foot of the mountain after which drove residence, a spherical journey that took a whole lot of time for nothing.

By the point he arrived residence, the celebs had been already in full bloom.

It was the thirtieth of September.

It was his birthday.

However ever since his mom had handed away, he not had a birthday.

He stopped on the bakery downstairs to choose up some random meals for dinner tonight.

Unexpectedly, a wierd letter appeared once more within the potted plant outdoors his residence.

The plain white envelope was marked together with his title in brilliant crimson letters.

The image of the road scene on Lijing Street got here to thoughts once more, and Yi Zhize’s breath trembled barely as he stared on the letter for a very long time earlier than lastly mustering up the braveness to take it out.

Holding the letter in his left hand, the sunshine object was as heavy as a thousand kilos; the usually easy opening of the door failed twice in fast succession.

It was solely on the third try that the important thing was inserted securely into the lock.

Coming into the home, not even bothering to alter his footwear, Yi Zhize sat down on the couch and positioned the letter in entrance of him.

There was no stamp, no sender’s title, so it was apparent that somebody had positioned it there on goal.

Who was it?

Why did they do that?

Yi Zhize slowly closed his eyes and tried to recollect these previous occasions that he had intentionally forgotten.

He remembered photos from his childhood, individuals or issues that got here and went.

Like a thousand midnight desires, there have been all the time solely fragmented fragments.

Cannot bear in mind.

Cannot bear in mind.

Irritation and nervousness overwhelmed him, a headache nearly tore him aside, and Yi Zhize’s eyes had been bloodshot, as if he was preventing with himself. He bit his decrease lip and ripped open the envelope, however it was empty.

Solely a notice.

Just one sentence.

———

You are the one who killed her.

———

Such easy phrases simply tore at his most fragile and delicate nerves.

Yi Zhize’s face turned pale and his reminiscence gave the impression to be gnawed at by hundreds of thousands of ants and worms, suffocating him like an limitless purgatory of ache.

He untied his tie and took off his jacket, veins leaping at his temples.

He stuffed the notice again into the envelope, clutching it tightly, and went to the lavatory within the dim mild.

There have been no lights on.

He opened the cabinet within the rightmost compartment above the mirror and took the lighter from it.

Trembling, he lifted the envelope and lit the flame, and tongues of magnificent fireplace leapt via the night time.

Because it burned, every little thing turned to gray embers and fell into the clear white sink.

Yi Zhize felt a lump in his throat because the phrases of some unknown particular person exploded into his thoughts.

“What a pity.”

“Your title is Yi Zhize, proper?”

“Rattling it was you, oh.”

You are the one who killed her.

You are the one who killed her.

You are the one who killed her.

Yi Zhize felt his coronary heart being squeezed by an invisible hand, clearly able to be crushed, but inch by inch the torture was slowly utilized.

It was too painful.

He braced one hand on the marble countertop and reached for one thing within the cabinet with the opposite.

Bringing it in entrance of him, it was a packet of cigarettes.

In actuality, he did not smoke, nor did he have an habit to cigarettes.

And every so often, when the ache was greater than he may bear, he would attempt to numb himself with nicotine.

Generally it was alcohol.

He additionally does not drink.

However there was no alcohol in the meanwhile.

Eagerly, he lit the roll of tobacco and the uninteresting, barely choking scent rushed into his mouth, stimulating his already extraordinarily delicate senses.

He began coughing violently.

He regarded up and noticed himself within the mirror.

It was so unusual.

His eyes had been bloodshot, his expression disillusioned and misanthropic, and beneath his eyes, which had been rising detached with ache, was an unfathomable despair.

It was as if he was intentionally making an attempt to torture himself, and although his physique was resisting, he held the unburned cigarette in his mouth.

The vapour beneath his eyes mingled with the dense smoke.

He did not know whether or not it was ache or pleasure.

Yi Zhize started to chortle.

The laughter was combined with a refined coughing sound, which fully degenerated…

He imagined that this was the tip of the world, or the tip of his life.

Yi Zhize closed his eyes and let himself fall backwards.

“What are you doing?”

Somebody caught him from behind.

Yi Zhize tilted his head in disbelief and noticed Ou Tingyun.

“Zhize, are you not feeling effectively?” Ou Tingyun wrapped his arms round him and requested near his ear, “Why are you smoking?”

Yi Zhize did not say something, he simply checked out him in silence.

“Zhize, you are not fairly the identical as you usually are. That’s not proper.” Ou Tingyun was alert: “You are not fairly the identical as every other second I’ve ever seen, what’s irritating you?”

Yi Zhize’s voice was drained, “It has nothing to do with you.”

“Zhize, I’m your therapist and you’re my affected person. I believe, proper now, you want me.”

“No want, let go.”

“I will not let go.”

“Let go.”

“No,” Ou Tingyun held him slightly tighter, “Zhize, reply me critically, did you attempt to kill your self?”

“No.”

“Actually?”

“Suicide does not remedy something, I do not do these sorts of pointless issues.”

“That is nice,” Ou Tingyun rubbed his hair, “I am relieved that you just acknowledge that.”

“Do not contact my hair.”

“It is an act of reassurance, Zhize, it’s essential to study to just accept the kindness of others.” Ou Tingyun requested, “Then what had been you doing simply now?”

“Smoking.”

“You do not appear like you understand how to smoke, simply as you do not know the way to drink.”

When Yi Zhize regained his footing, Ou Tingyun let go of him.

He requested Ou Tingyun, “How did you get in right here?”

“Have you ever forgotten? We had an appointment to go to a live performance collectively tonight.”

Yi Zhize regarded bewildered.

“You actually do not bear in mind. I began messaging you at six o’clock, and whenever you did not reply and did not reply your cellphone, I used to be apprehensive that one thing had occurred to you, so I got here to your home.”

“However you do not have a key,” Yi Zhize leaned towards the wall, “how may you are available?”

“Zhize, you did not shut the door.”

Yi Zhize instantly remembered that he had been so anxious when he entered earlier that he did appear to have forgotten about it.

Ou Tingyun pursued, “From what I find out about you, as an elite lawyer recognized for his rigour, you do not make so many low-level errors one after one other. One thing should have occurred, proper?”

Yi Zhize hid it by saying, “I simply forgot to shut the door, the place else did I’m going incorrect?”

“Zhize, you have all the time been disciplined and tidy. If there was no purpose, how may you neglect to shut the door? And why would you go indoors with out remembering to alter your footwear?” Ou Tingyun checked out him with a smile, considerate and delicate: “Individuals who have smoked for a very long time or are hooked on smoking are used to holding their cigarettes between their center and index fingers, which could have distinct smoky yellow options, however you do not. Cigarettes include nicotine, tar and different substances which have a miserable impact on the nerves when inhaled. Rare exposures typically produce quite a few signs of discomfort, which is what you’re experiencing now.”

Yi Zhize prevented eye contact with him, “I will shut the door.”

Ou Tingyun blocked his path, “I’ve already closed it.”

Within the silence of the night time, the scent of nicotine crammed the darkened room.

The physician patiently reassured and seduced his affected person as if he had been rescuing a drowning swan in a chilly polar pool.

“Zhize, you may belief me fully.”

“At this second, I’ve no place, no judgement, not even morality.”

“My solely mission is that will help you.”

“Be obedient and inform me what’s going on.”