I smile at them, grabbing my mug. “My good friend simply referred to as to inform me that she’s having a child,” I clarify. “So, I’m simply actually blissful for her.”

Matteo nods. “That’s cool,” he says. Generally, the five-year-old boy could be so cool and picked up, he jogs my memory a lot of his dad.

My coronary heart twists on the considered Bruno, however then Monica catches my consideration. “Infants are cute,” she says with a large, toothy grin. Then she tilts her head, trying up at me with harmless inexperienced eyes as she asks, “When will you might have a child, Diana?”

Her query makes me choke on my sip of espresso, fully catching me off guard. “Um—”

Matteo hops onto Monica’s query. “Will you continue to care for us in case you have a child?”

For some motive, my face feels prefer it’s on fireplace. When my startled cough subsides, I put the mug down and take a look at the siblings. “Uh, I’m unsure once I’ll have a child,” I reply fastidiously. Expensive God, this isn’t a dialog I anticipated to have at the moment. “So, you understand, you don’t have to fret about me not taking good care of you simply but.”

The truth is, I do need to sometime have youngsters—after all, I do. I’ve spent my life taking good care of different individuals’s youngsters, and I need to sometime quiet down and care for my very own. To be a mom as a substitute of a nanny. However when will that be? With who—

“I do know!” Matteo all of a sudden speaks up. Now, he seems to be way more animated than his father, his darkish inexperienced eyes glimmering with the beginnings of an thought as he seems to be from his sister to me. He grins as he says, “You and daddy ought to have a child! Then, you possibly can stick with us, and we’ll have a child brother!”

Monica nudges him, frowning. “Or child sister!”

That has the 2 of them dissolving into arguing about what’s higher, a child brother or a child sister. However the twins are fully oblivious to the stupor they’ve thrown me in, gaping at them in incredulity whereas my coronary heart threatens to leap out of my chest and out of the second-story window.

You and daddy ought to have a child!

I don’t even understand how educated Monica and Matteo are by way of the place infants come from, however judging by Matteo’s phrases, they comprehend it takes two to tango. However those self same phrases echo in my head, throat dry on the not-so-innocent picture Matteo’s harmless thought places in my head—the picture of what Bruno and I did final night time. It’s straightforward to get hooked up to such beautiful youngsters, and Monica and Matteo aren’t any exception to it. However understanding they like me sufficient to need me round all the time, to the purpose the place they recommend I’ve a child with their father, is overwhelming.

After all, I perceive they’re simply youngsters who don’t know the severity of the thought they’re throwing round, however it settles deep into my head, and I can’t hope to get the picture out. A life with Bruno—why can I think about myself having that so simply? What we did final night time actually doesn’t assist issues, and now this.

As a lot as I attempt to inform myself all the causes that it will by no means work—as a result of he’s seventeen years older than me, as a result of he’s all tough edges whereas I’m not, as a result of I’m simply his worker, as a result of he’s, for all intents and functions, a legal—I do know it’s fruitless. Rationality appears to take a backseat as I let myself drift into the fantasy of imagining a life with him, with the twins.

Elevating them as extra than simply their nanny. Being with Bruno—kissing him, touching him, loving him, and having him love me in return. . .

He’s able to it—of affection. I’ve seen it when he seems to be at his youngsters. It’s a distinct form of love, certain, however it’s there. He liked his late spouse—I can inform he did.

Would he be capable of love me?

I inhale sharply. Come up with your self, Diana. These are all musings of a loopy girl. Final night time might very properly have solely been a one-off. Moreover, what number of exhibits depict unhinged nannies who develop inappropriate attachments for the kids they’re taking care of, inappropriate emotions for his or her fathers? I cringe—how a lot porn is fabricated from this actual situation? Of nannies or babysitters with the fathers?

God, I don’t need to be a kind of individuals—although I form of already am.

And but, I consider Bruno, and my coronary heart does a silly leap in my chest. Perhaps I’m fucked.

In additional methods than one.

Chapter 18

BRUNO

I toss my jacket on the leather-based sofa as I go it earlier than settling down on my chair behind the desk. It’s quiet in the home, on condition that it’s just a bit previous midnight, and I huff out a protracted breath. Leaning again within the chair, I run my fingers by way of my hair, uncaring if I mess it up. Work had been concluded way back after I brokered some new offers, attended conferences, the standard. No blood spilled at the moment, however it’s solely Tuesday.

After the enterprise day, I’d gone to one in every of my golf equipment, internet hosting a poker night time in one of many again rooms with Leo, Raf, and some different males. However irrespective of how onerous I attempted to concentrate on the sport, my thoughts saved drifting again to Diana.

Even now, I swear I can nonetheless style her.

I hadn’t seen her this morning earlier than I’d left for the day, and I’m wondering if she’s avoiding me after what occurred final night time. Did she remorse it? We crossed a line I don’t suppose both of us anticipated us to, and it’s absolutely going to vary issues ultimately. If I’m being trustworthy with myself, I don’t remorse having intercourse together with her for a second. I hadn’t realized how deeply she had gotten beneath my pores and skin, however after tasting her on my tongue, after being inside her, I do know I’m fooling myself—I’ll by no means be capable of have sufficient.

And the mere thought of her avoiding me this morning makes my fingers curl into my palms, jaw clenching. The actual fact of the matter is, I’m two seconds away from storming right down to her room, demanding to know what’s going by way of her head, when there’s a knock on my house workplace door.

My gaze snaps to it, the door on the other finish of the room. “Are available,” I state, voice loud sufficient for the individual on the opposite finish to listen to me clearly.

The door creaks open, and I wipe my expression clear. Stoicism is my greatest good friend; it’s what makes individuals shift uncomfortably once I repair them with that form of stare. However I’m wondering, as Diana steps into the workplace, if she will see the warmth in my stare that I so deeply can really feel operating by way of my blood. The sight of her has such a visceral response on my physique, and it’s a miracle I had averted appearing on it up till final night time.

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