I unwrap the present and pop the lid on the field. I frown as I elevate the tissue paper and discover a 9-pack of white cotton Fruit-of-the-Loom briefs.

“Tighty whities? What the hell, Ma? I haven’t worn these since I used to be eight.”

She has to boost her voice to be heard over the laughing assholes within the room. “They’re higher for the sperm depend. Now you could have lady, you must be sure your swimmers are wholesome.”

“To start with, I believe you could have it backwards. Boxers are higher for sperm depend. Secondly, my swimmers are simply nice, thanks very a lot.”

“That is one of the best Christmas ever!” Rainey snickers.

I put her in a playful headlock. “Yeah, preserve laughing, sweetheart. You simply wait till my tremendous swimmers knock you up.”

“Sure, do this,” my mother says. “However you get married first. Then you definately give me grandbabies.”

“Gradual your roll, Ma,” I say. “We simply determined to maneuver in collectively. We’ve loads of time for marriage and infants.”

She throws her palms up in exasperation. “You and Carlotta take too lengthy! That you must get critical and provides me plenty of grandbabies!”

“Uh, Mamma,” Charlee says, “I’m not even courting anybody, not to mention prepared for somebody to impregnate me.”

“Why not?” my mother asks. She throws her arm out, gesturing to Drew. “You will have huge, strapping man proper there. I see the way you take a look at one another. You’d make stunning bambini.”

“Over my useless physique,” I mutter.

Charlee should’ve heard that as a result of she flashes me a glare as she grabs one other current from below the tree. “Drew, this one’s for you, from me.”

Drew shakes off my mother’s remark and takes the present from Charlee. “You bought me a gift? You didn’t have to do this.”

She shrugs. “Don’t get too excited. It’s just a few cookies that I baked.”

His face splits into an enormous smile. “You made meals for me?”

Goddammit, I don’t just like the look he’s giving her.

“I did,” Charlee beams.

“See what I imply?” my mother says, flicking her wrist between them. “She likes to cook dinner and he likes to eat. They’re excellent for one another!”

Charlee rolls her eyes. “Mother, again off on the matchmaking. You’re freaking Drew out and in addition to, I’m completely able to find my very own dates.”

My mother grabs my dad’s hand. “I simply need my kids to be blissful. If you’d like happiness, you must make it occur.”

With that, she pulls my dad right into a kiss that’s not even in the identical zip code as acceptable.

“Ugh, cease embarrassing me, you two!” I shout.

Drew, red-faced, jumps up from the sofa. Oh Christ, I’m fairly positive my grandma simply pinched his ass.

“This night explains a lot,” he mutters.

I pull Rainey right into a hug. “How’s that crow tasting?”

She laughs. “Okay, you win this one.”

I give her a fast peck on the lips. “Welcome to the household, honey.”

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