“That was actually one thing, huh?” Jordan’s voice is low beside me.

Throughout us, folks stand, gathering up their blankets and chatting about how nice the competition was. I really feel unhealthy I couldn’t do extra to assist out this 12 months, however between my schedule on the bakery and serving to Jordan out with Ryder…nicely, it’s a surprise I didn’t go to sleep proper together with the child.

“Lee.”

“Hmm?” I flip to search out Jordan watching me.

“You look exhausted.”

His eyebrows are knit collectively, his fear strains popping. I wish to press my finger proper there between his eyes, clean out his pores and skin. He worries an excessive amount of about me. About Ryder. About everybody however himself. Such a selfless man. Such a great buddy.

“I’m all proper.” And naturally, I can’t assist the yawn that comes. I’m making an attempt to carry as nonetheless as doable, to shake off the yawn, and my glasses slip down my nostril with the slight motion. Darn issues should be tightened, however who has time to go one city over to get them mounted?

Jordan reaches over and, with a crooked smile, pushes my glasses up.

“Thanks.” What would I do with out him? He’s the cool, regular cucumber to my flighty mess. My eyes drop to Ryder. “Guess you must get this goober dwelling, huh?”

“In all probability.” He stands and reaches down to drag Ryder from my arms. For a second, our noses are almost touching, and I see some form of emotion flit throughout his options. I’ve seen it earlier than however can’t put my finger on what it’s. After all, all of my mates tease me about Jordan liking me as greater than a buddy, however he’s by no means mentioned something.

Which is sweet. As a result of I don’t consider him that approach.

I can’t.

Not that he’s not good-looking. Goodness is aware of he’s, along with his boy-next-door chuckle, his muscled body, and his tan pores and skin. That blond hair that’s a lot fuller and more healthy than my very own, which I sustain in a bun as a result of it’s simply not definitely worth the effort of doing it.

And moreover all that, he’s only a good man. The truth is, aside from my brother, Jordan Carmichael is the very best man I do know.

However that’s why I might by no means afford to consider him as greater than a buddy. He deserves the entire world—a girl who has the capability to like him absolutely. Not somebody like me.

Damaged. Used up. Messy.

He takes Ryder gently from my arms and repositions him so he’s tucked in opposition to his shoulder. I begin to collect up the blanket, when somebody behind us provides a grunt of disapproval.

Turning, I discover Larry and Constance Comer gazing Jordan and Ryder. Larry’s bought his hand on Constance’s again, and she or he’s carrying a scowl on her weathered face. I’ve solely interacted with Ryder’s grandparents—his mother Georgia’s dad and mom—a number of instances, however previously, they’ve all the time been good sufficient. Not heat essentially, however not baring their enamel like this both.

“You shouldn’t be conserving him out this late,” Constance snaps. “He’s clearly exhausted.”

Jordan frowns. “It’s a special day. I don’t norm?—”

“Little boys ought to be safely tucked away of their beds at this hour. And wasn’t he terrified of the fireworks final 12 months? Georgia informed us that he cried. I can’t consider you’d convey him again right here and topic him to this.”

I take a step towards Jordan, as if he wants my help, however then Constance turns her eye to me and appears me up and down. Her scowl deepens. “Effectively. Hopefully he received’t be too exhausted from this to get pleasure from our sleepover on Friday evening.” Then she flounces away, Larry hurrying after her. He glances again and lifts his shoulders as if to say, “I don’t know why she’s appearing like this.”

“That was bizarre.” Jordan huffs and rubs a finger beneath his cap. Regardless that the boy’s asleep, Ryder’s arms have gone round Jordan’s neck, and it’s clear to see that even in sleep, he trusts his daddy to maintain him secure.

I step towards them and place my hand on Ryder’s again, rubbing it frivolously. “I’m guessing it’s simply onerous for her to be right here with out her daughter. The primary 12 months is all the time the worst, with each little anniversary reminding you of your loss.”

“Aw, Lee.” He nudges me along with his foot. “You’re so good at placing your self in different folks’s footwear.”

“I’ve actually been of their footwear. Although I can’t think about how onerous it should be to lose a baby.” That’s not true, although. Not that Donny thought the infants we misplaced counted, since I used to be solely ever a number of weeks alongside once I miscarried. I don’t imply to mislead Jordan. The phrases have been simply out earlier than I thought of them. He is aware of about quite a lot of my relationship with Donny—was right here on the town for the worst of it and held me up in the course of all of it—however I by no means informed him in regards to the losses.

However I don’t really feel like selecting this second to inform Jordan about all of that, so I rush on. “Anyway, you didn’t do something mistaken by bringing him right here. He had a blast at the moment.”

“Largely due to you. Thanks once more for enjoying volleyball with him. It meant the world.”

“I do know I’m not his mother.” What number of instances have I wanted…? As a result of if any of my kids had lived, I’d need them to be precisely like Ryder. Curious, mischievous, fun-loving like his daddy. And candy. Form. “However I’m glad I might be right here for him. For each of you.”

Then I smile up at him and thank God that I’ve been given a buddy like Jordan Carmichael.

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