“Yes,” I whispered. Ten to go.

“Do you regret leaving?”

“Yes, Master.” The intensity of the next two hits made me want to roll myself off the desk and run, but I was over halfway through. I could do this.

“You wanted to come back?”

“Sometimes.” Nine left, eight left.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I cared about him.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“I was frightened of what you’d do. I was frightened of this.” I’d lost count of the strikes; I’d lost track of where I was. My body and mind could only respond to what Ray wanted. The skin on my back and behind was on fire; it felt as though every inch of it had been hit already.

“You were right, Callie. I am punishing you for leaving.” The next strike was harder, and I could hear the anger in Ray’s voice. He wasn’t going to let the last few strikes be anywhere close to bearable. “And for letting someone else fuck you.” My screams were unrecognisable as human sounds. He didn’t seem to want any more answers from me, and I would have been too incoherent to voice them. “And for thinking anyone else could give you anything close to what I can.” I hated the venom in his voice, but I knew that soon it would be gone. Holding onto that knowledge kept me from begging Ray to stop. “But your last two strikes aren’t for abandoning me, Callie – they’re for abandoning yourself. You let someone take the spark out of you. Seeing that hurt far more than seeing you with someone else. These two will leave marks – you are not allowed to forget yourself again. Understand?”

I couldn’t relax my body this time – I couldn’t imagine how much more unbearable the pain was going to be than what I’d already experienced. My eyes were screwed tightly shut and my hands were curled into fists by my sides. We were so close. I managed a small nod, which seemed good enough for Ray. It was fast. The cane felt hot, like a branding iron. The shock of it stopped my tears. I’d never known pain like it. But it was done. If I wasn’t Ray’s now, I never would be.

I heard the clatter of the cane on the ground as Ray threw it down. His hands were in my hair and his lips kissed my cheek. I was too dazed to respond.

“Special girl – I’m so proud of you.” There was no trace of his earlier fury left in his voice; maybe it really was finally gone.

*

He took care of me as promised, icing my skin and tending to my wounds, all the while whispering to me soothingly, even though I was still too in shock to say anything back. He told me only the last two strikes had broken the skin. I shuddered, imagining how terrible it must look, even compared to last time. Despite the burn being worse than before, something about the aftermath was more bearable this time. The despair I’d felt last time had amplified that pain, made me feel even more wounded and fragile. Ray wasn’t going to let that happen this time. He made sure I felt cherished and looked after, and this time, I accepted his care gratefully.

When he’d seen to the marks, he carried me upstairs and laid me down in his bed. He helped me take some painkillers and draped a blanket over me. I gradually came back to myself, enough to finally speak.

“I’m yours now?” My voice was small and broken, but I knew, over the coming days, Ray would be diligent in getting me back to full strength. I knew we’d move on like we’d done a hundred times, except that this time it would be for good.

“Yes, Callie. Always mine.”

Ray lay down beside me, and I knew I was finally forgiven.

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