I appeared rapidly again up at Ray. I used to be stunned to seek out that the concept of getting to go away brought about an uncomfortable churning feeling in my chest. Someplace alongside the road, I’d began to think about this place as my residence.
“She didn’t do it.” I puzzled for a second if I’d misheard him.
“We will’t know for certain—”
“I consider her.” Silent tears of aid started to spill down my cheeks. It was over. I’d satisfied him. We weren’t leaving. My physique felt so spent I wished to sink down onto the ground, but it surely wasn’t over but. Simply because they believed me concerning the cellphone, didn’t imply I used to be protected.
Ray moved to set the cane down on the desk, and I flinched. I by no means wished to even see that cane once more. I by no means wished to see that look in Ray’s eyes once more. I wouldn’t ever belief him to not damage me once more.
Ray knelt beside me and reached his hand out, however I backed underneath the desk and turned my head away. I understood why he hadn’t believed me, however I couldn’t forgive him for the cane. I couldn’t… wouldn’t attempt any longer to reconcile the model of Ray who claimed to like me with the model who may do that to me. I curled much more tightly into myself. He sighed closely.
“I needed to shield us, pet – all of us. I had to make certain.” Safety. He known as this safety? He should have recognized that any try at reconciliation can be futile, and he stood.
“I nonetheless suppose—” Mark started, however Ray lower him off.
“No. She didn’t do something. However it is best to nonetheless go.”
“I hope you’re proper. And I hope she’s value all this.”
“She is.”
The dim glow of pleasure his phrases lit in my chest wasn’t sufficient to decrease my disappointment. The ache felt like grief – like one thing between us had died in that room. My pure inclination is likely to be to undergo him, however I knew now, greater than ever, that I must struggle that if I used to be going to maintain myself protected.
“I’ll be again in a minute, okay?”
I didn’t acknowledge his phrases in any respect. I wished to vanish into myself in order that nobody may ever damage me once more. Ray and Mark left the room. The adrenaline was carrying off and the ache was intensifying. I ventured out from underneath the desk, cringing at each motion, and lay down gingerly on the ground. Even mendacity on my aspect wasn’t bearable: the ache was too nice. I attempted to regulate my respiration.
When Ray got here again, I couldn’t even face making an attempt to maneuver away from him.
“I do know you’ll be able to’t precisely sit up proper now, however I have to get these drugs down you.”
I used to be too nauseous to even reply.
“Okay, I’m going to prop you up a bit.” I grimaced feeling his palms on me. All of the sudden there was no yet one more repulsive to me in the entire world. However I knew I wanted these drugs. He propped my higher physique up onto his legs and the ache made me cry out. “Callie…”
He sounded involved. Good. Let him really feel responsible. I let him put the drugs in my mouth and drank the water he supplied me.
“Do you want anything?” I shook my head, keen him to go away. He lowered me again down and pulled a blanket over me. I hadn’t realised I used to be shivering. I screwed my eyes shut, blocking him out, and he appeared to get the trace.
“The medication ought to begin working quickly; I don’t know if it’ll be sufficient, but it surely’ll assist. I’ll come again to examine on you when it’s kicked in, okay?”
He sighed once I ignored him. I don’t understand how I received by means of that point ready for the medication to work. It may have solely been about thirty minutes however each was full of agony.
*
When Ray got here again, the ache was nonetheless extreme, however my respiration was underneath management and the shaking had stopped. He sat beside me.
“You appear a bit higher.”
“A bit of.”
“Nevertheless it nonetheless hurts?” I glared at him.
“Oh Callie. Why didn’t you inform me the reality sooner? You could possibly have saved your self all this ache.” How was he managing to make even this sound prefer it was my fault? As if he was the unwilling sufferer of my stubbornness.
“You didn’t give me an opportunity. You had been so indignant…” The reminiscence of his hardened face, the degradation in his tough palms as they pressured me down onto the desk… It was an excessive amount of to bear. I didn’t even discover that I’d been digging my very own nails into the pores and skin of my arm till Ray gently tugged my hand away.
“I’m so sorry, Callie.” He stroked the again of his fingers down my arm the place my nails had left indignant pink indents in my flesh. “I by no means would have believed you’d go up a chance to flee. I assumed you’d name for assist as quickly as you had the possibility.”
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