“Don’t…cease,” I choked out, and he moved, his first thrust so highly effective it shoved me deeper into the cushions. After which once more, and once more, as his rhythm grew fluid and I arched as much as meet him, my pure instincts taking up. I knew how to do that, and but one way or the other every thing felt new and totally different, with the darkness throughout us and solely Ian alone with me, claiming me, proudly owning me in methods I’d by no means thought I wished. It now not mattered what lay between us—he was elemental, everlasting, and rational thought had abandoned me.

I may barely see him within the darkness, so I reached up and cupped his face with my fingers, needing to the touch him all over the place. He kissed me with sizzling, devouring kisses, and the stress inside me rose, till I used to be so near exploding.

He fucked me in cool, decided silence, and I wished to scream with pleasure and despair, as he moved quicker, more durable inside me, and I used to be about to lose it fully when he moved his hand between our surging our bodies and touched me, so deftly, so purposefully, and for the primary time in my life, I screamed as I got here, as I felt him develop and increase within me and I spotted he hadn’t worn a condom.

And I used to be stupidly glad. I used to be his, he’d claimed me, and I’d wished nothing between us.

I slowly drifted again to a breathless actuality, calling myself all kinds of a idiot, calling him all kinds of a villain. He pulled out of me, and I felt bereft, however a second later, I used to be in his arms and he was carrying me by the inky black condo to the huge expanse of a mattress. I assumed he was going to go away me alone, however a second later, he was again a moist towel to clean me off. He completed stripping off the final of his garments, all with out saying a phrase, after which lay down beside me, pulling me into his arms, tucking me in opposition to him.

When he spoke it was depressingly prosaic. “I didn’t put on a condom.”

“I do know. Don’t fear about it—I deal with myself.”

“I’ve by no means forgotten earlier than,” he stated, his voice unreadable within the stillness. Was it self-disgust, shock, or one thing else?

“You’re secure from me,” I stated dryly, understanding I ought to draw back. So, we had been having the awkward morning-after speak and it wasn’t even morning.

“I want,” he muttered. “You’re probably the most harmful lady I do know.”

I wasn’t. Bella was, and I’d simply had intercourse with Ian whereas pretending I used to be another person. I wished to twist up in disgrace. I actually hadn’t deserved one of the best orgasm of my life.

Guilt erupted in me. “I must inform you…” I started, decided, however he stopped my mouth together with his.

“Don’t inform me something,” he growled when he lifted his head. “Simply really feel.”

He was rising arduous once more, to my amazement, and I used to be rising aroused. In truth, regardless of the ability of my launch, I’d stayed minutely attuned to his physique and his contact, the best way he made me really feel.

He was proper—this was no place for confession. I’d inform him tomorrow once we had been each absolutely clothed and he may yell at me all he wished.

I’d take tonight, what little there was left of it, I’d take every thing I may from Ian, and provides him every thing in return. Tomorrow, once I advised him the reality, he may throw it again in my face, however I’d nonetheless have the reminiscence, the ache and pleasure of it. It must do.

Chapter Seventeen

I awoke in my very own mattress with the oddest sensation suffusing my physique. One thing was devastatingly improper, and one thing was so very proper. I lay nonetheless, and let the reminiscences wash over me. Granda was lifeless. And I had had intercourse with Ian the Wretch.

Guilt washed over me. He’d thought I used to be Bella, cool, manipulative Bella, who hadn’t a weak bone in her physique. As a substitute, it was soft-hearted Podge, blindly in search of consolation from the one particular person she trusted. And it was true—I trusted Ian, even when he despised me, or was it Bella he despised? It was each of us, two liars who’d performed him for a idiot. Once I advised him the reality, he would by no means forgive me.

However did I want to inform him the reality? What sort of distinction wouldn’t it make in the long term? I’d be gone and it might be as much as Bella to elucidate what we’d carried out. I’d gone previous the purpose of berating myself for my stupidity—now I used to be having to study to dwell with the unbelievable mess I’d made.

I barely remembered Ian carrying me again right here. I’d been so drained, so awash in feelings that I hadn’t paid consideration as he tucked me into mattress. As a lover he was…formidable.

After final night time, all I may consider was his lengthy, muscled physique, the scent of his pores and skin, the feel of the hair on his legs, the style of him in my mouth, the marks he’d left on my physique. Even Bella’s million-dollar make-up couldn’t cowl up all traces of our night time collectively.

The very first thing I did was take a bathe to attempt to wash away the haze that also clung to me. At the moment can be a troublesome day, even when I hadn’t made the abysmal mistake of going to mattress with my vaunted enemy. Granda was gone, and I had spent the night time in ecstasy. Ian had been proper about every thing he’d stated about me—I used to be a liar and a cheat.

I flopped again down the mattress, wrapped solely in a towel. I had no proper to mourn the person I’d been mendacity to, and I lay there, silent and dry-eyed, staring into the shadows. Ultimately, I may go away. Ian can be hating me after final night time’s weak point—he would in all probability favor it if I weren’t round for the funeral, and what would Bella do? Most likely skip it to buy groceries.

Paris awaited me, and I used to be now freed from any obligation. I’d carried out what I’d promised Bella, I’d had my time with Granda. Even when my tears had lastly dried up, they’d emerge once more, as soon as I used to be safely again within the States and attempting to resurrect my previous life.

Why had I ever listened to Bella? She’d caught me at a weak time, lacking my household, however I’d been a idiot to say sure. It had been so lengthy since I’d seen Granda—my grief would have been honest however not so intense if he’d merely stayed a reminiscence. Now every thing I’d liked and hated about him had come again, and I couldn’t view his passing with something near equanimity. It didn’t matter that he’d dwell an extended life and was able to go. I hadn’t been able to lose him.

And I hadn’t wanted to comprehend how I felt about Ian the Wretch. Besides it hadn’t been his wretchedness that had known as to me, it was his uncommon, simple sweetness. However that sweetness was for another person, not the actual Bella, not the mendacity Podge. We had been miles aside, and at all times can be.

I wanted to go dwelling and lick my wounds—even the concept of Paris couldn’t cheer me. All I wished to do was curl up right into a ball and cry, and the night time in Ian’s mattress had denied me that choice. One of the best I may do was run.

It didn’t take me lengthy to pack. I left the accoutrements of Bella’s life within the closet—silk jumpsuits and cocktail clothes, tailor-made fits and thousand-dollar denims. As a substitute, I made do with the sundresses and sandals I’d bought on the town. I utilized the make-up rigorously, making my final be one of the best, and I went downstairs in one in all Bella’s much less garish day clothes, the one one in a comparatively sober shade of blue.

Mary Alice and Valerie had been sitting within the girls’s salon, Mary Alice stretched out on my chaise with a pale hand-held to her brow, the stays of a hearty lunch on the espresso desk beside her. When she heard me are available, she lowered her hand to have a look at me balefully.

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