I stare out of the window as we velocity alongside the busy streets of Paris all of the whereas eager about what is going to occur if I get a optimistic consequence on the being pregnant take a look at tomorrow. Effectively, I’ve received to inform Daniel for a begin, as a result of we agreed, no extra secrets and techniques, and, whether or not I’m pregnant or not, I’ve additionally received to inform him about my one-night stand with Ronan as a result of the guilt is killing me.

Daniel leans throughout me and stares up on the metropolis, “Isn’t it great?”

“Hmm,” I murmur, smiling. He sighs contently, eyes glowing with anticipation, then he leans again and whips out a map from his inside pocket, spreads it throughout his robust thighs and begins planning. His black-rimmed sq. glasses are perched on the bridge of his nostril, he’s gelled his hair and combed it neatly to the facet at this time, reminding me slightly of Clark Kent in Superman.

I ogle him, slightly bewitched by his beautiful beauty. Fifty years outdated at this time, who’d imagine it? He doesn’t look a day over forty. He’s too busy speaking to note me staring. I cuddle up near him, I don’t wish to spoil his day. It isn’t his fault that I’ve been such an irresponsible twat.

He tells me that from Notre Dame we’ll stroll alongside the River Seine after which make our approach to the Louvre in order that I can see the Mona Lisa, then we’ll discover someplace cosy to eat. There received’t be time to do a lot else. He’s received all of it deliberate out. He’s so environment friendly. So in management, it’s good to see him smiling once more. Am I actually about to drag the rug from underneath his toes?

I lean again, having fun with the hustle and bustle of the Parisian streets. That is my third go to to Paris. I first got here right here after I was little with my dad and mom once they had the journey enterprise. Other than a go to to the Eifel Tower on the final day, a disgruntled George and I received dragged from lodge to lodge whereas they carried out their analysis for his or her weekend break brochure. My second go to was with Nick after we first received collectively. He was on a photoshoot on the time. I adopted him round like a crazed groupie from venue to venue, ogling on the attractive fashions as they strutted across the studio of their designer outfits. We took cabs in every single place; his sense of path is worse than mine. There was no time for sightseeing however we did dine in some beautiful eating places and quenched our thirst in some snazzy bars and nightclubs.

Daniel grabs my hand and smiles brightly because the solar streams by means of the window, warming my face. I elevate a hand, shielding the sensible daylight as the motive force rides a kerb, virtually flattening a pedestrian. I rapidly seize Daniel’s arm for assist as we bounce round on the again seat. Holding me in his arms protectively, he asks if I’m okay, then in a raised, aggravated tone tells the motive force to decelerate.

I draw back. “It’s okay, Daniel, I’m tremendous,” I say, however I’m a nervous wreck. I can’t imagine that I’ve handled Daniel in the identical abominable method that Nick handled me. Solely worse, as a result of I used to be solely estranged from Daniel for a couple of hours and he wasn’t even conscious that we’d damaged up! I squeeze his hand unintentionally and he reciprocates the gesture, grinning at me warmly.

We journey in companionable silence for some time, taking within the surroundings. Possibly Vicky was proper, I used to be a bit harsh with Nick. I can see now how one silly mistake can mess up your life – how one mad, drunken night time of ardour can flip your world the wrong way up. Daniel, clearly sensing my rigidity, stretches his arm throughout the again of my seat and pivots in direction of me.

“Are you continue to upset about your bag?” I’d forgotten about that till he simply jogged my memory. Outdoors Kings Cross station this morning as I climbed out of a black cab, my material Louis Vuitton bag slid off my shoulder and landed in an enormous muddy puddle close to a drain. As soon as contained in the station, we tried cleansing the muck off however it was no use. My bag was destroyed, however that’s the least of my worries.

I shake my head and pat the bag on my knees. The stains have dried out leaving large, darkish watermarks. “No, it’s okay,” I say, “it’s only a bag.”

He research me for some time after which, “Look,” he sighs, face severe, “I do know you’re upset and I can perceive how dreadful you have to be feeling proper now.” My coronary heart picks up slightly velocity. What does he imply? “However you needn’t fear, you understand. Take a look at me. That’s my lady. It’s going to be tremendous. I promise you.” Our eyes lock and for a couple of hazy moments, I ponder if he is aware of. If he’s someway guessed, however how may he? The automobile swerves and I fall onto him once more, the motive force hoots his horn and swears loudly in French, a lot for slowing down. We straighten up. “I’ve spoken to Aliki and we’re going to inform Connie on Saturday night time.” Sure, in fact, his confession to Connie. What was I pondering?

“Would you like me to come back with you?”

“No, no.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his pockets.

“We’ll be tremendous.” I nod as we pull into the taxi bay at Notre Dame, feeling slightly like a third-party, a spare half. It’ll at all times be ‘them’ and ‘me’, received’t it? It’ll by no means be ‘us’.

We be part of the crowds of vacationers snapping away on the large Gothic cathedral with their cameras, cellphones, and iPads. I gaze up the attractive stained-glass home windows, the intricate sculptures carved into the aged stone partitions. Daniel advised me earlier that many date again to the thirteenth century. Merely breath-taking.

Contained in the cathedral, we wander round in awe. I ponder how a lot craftsmanship went into creating the inside of this epic constructing. I stare up on the excessive arched ceilings to the magical sound of a keyboard, wrapping me in an embrace of sanctuary. I’ve by no means been very spiritual however I discover myself in entrance of Christ on the Cross. I shut my eyes.

“Pricey Lord, what am I going to do? I’ve betrayed my accomplice (though he did betray me too in a approach as a result of he didn’t inform me about his first marriage and every little thing, simply in order that you understand it’s not ALL my fault). Anyway, I do know you don’t hear from me a lot and I’m in all probability unfit of your grace. I’m positive you’ve received extra essential Godly issues to do however please, for those who’ve received a couple of spare moments, I simply need some readability, some path. I’m undecided what to do about my dilemma. I’ve received nobody to show to. I can’t open up to Ronan as a result of then he’d inform Tina. And telling Nick doesn’t bear eager about. Louise is the one one who may actually assist me and he or she’s off the bloody radar. Oh no, I stated bloody. I’m sorry, Lord. Oh, I stated it once more. Oh, shit.” I take a deep breath. “Okay, sorry about that. The swearing, I imply. Proper, the place was I? Oh sure. Look, I’m not even positive if I’m pregnant, but when I’m…”

“Didn’t have you ever down as being spiritual.” Daniel’s arms round my waist make me bounce. He nestles his chin on my shoulder as individuals wander round, immersed within the structure and tranquillity of the basilica, their voices inaudible whispers.

“I’m not.” I clear my throat and face him. “Probably not.”

“Right here.” He presses a gold medal in my hand and I shiver. “That is for you,” he says, dropping a kiss on my brow, “it’ll carry you luck.” He winks mischievously. “You’ll see.”

I flip the gold Notre Dame medallion within the palm of my hand. It feels robust and funky, and someway vital. I slim my eyes as Nick’s phrases bounce into my thoughts. “I noticed you holding a gold coin within the palm of your hand. You weren’t even on this nation, you appeared far-off.”

“Oh, my God,” I whisper, staring on the coin in my open hand.

Daniel laughs. “Effectively, I knew you’d prefer it however it’s not that grand. It solely price me two euros. Audrey? Are you okay? You’ve gone a bit pale. You’re not feeling sick once more, are you? We may exit for some air if…”

“No, no, I’m tremendous now. And thanks,” I add rapidly. “It’s beautiful.” I shut my hand round it and slip it into my facet pocket.

“Come on.” He grabs my hand. “We’ve nonetheless tons to see.”

We stroll alongside the River Seine consuming cheese crepes to the backdrop of a busker taking part in a Parisian tune on his accordion. After we end, I lean over the wall and stare down on the inexperienced, shimmering river dancing calmly within the solar. Forward, individuals benefit from the views from an open-topped deck of a river boat gliding underneath a bridge. I take the medal from my pocket and switch it round in my hand like a bar of cleaning soap as if someway the solutions to my troubles lie deep inside the yellow metallic. You’ve actually tousled this time, lady, I inform myself, I can’t see you getting out of this one unscathed. I give it one closing flip after which slip it into the breast pocket of my shirt.

“You’ll lose it there,” Daniel warns, leaning his again in opposition to the wall.

“I received’t.” I pat it calmly. “I wish to maintain it near my coronary heart.”

He smiles at me warmly, squinting in opposition to the solar. My cell phone bleeps. I decrease my bifocal sun shades from my head. It’s Vicky once more.

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