“Oh, come off it. She’s not precisely childless, is she? She’s already bought Jess.”

“That tells you ways a lot she craved that household unit with Gerry, then. Oh, don’t pull that face, you’ve seen how mushy she will get over the twins. I do know she seems a bit aloof and impartial, however behind the bravado lies fairly a delicate, nurturing girl.”

She’s proper. I’m being unfair. Louise has at all times been maternal. She used to babysit for household and mates after we had been at college. She even labored at an area nursery in the course of the holidays. I bear in mind her coming spherical to see me after work generally, stuffed with beans, telling me little anecdotes concerning the youngsters and the way she couldn’t wait to have a number of of her personal.

“Properly, they might’ve simply adopted like different regular {couples} as a substitute of re-mortgaging their home to purchase Nick’s child.”

“He’s Francesca’s youngster too, Audrey. Gerry’s nephew. There’s probability that the kid will bear some resemblance to him, that’s in all probability why Louise did it.”

“Hmm…” I grumble, “not a lot probability of that, Tommy’s bought his dad’s Irish attractiveness.”

“Anyway.” Vicky elbows me on the arm, “All of us have secrets and techniques, don’t we?” She’s referring to Ronan, clearly.

“Hmm…” I murmur sulkily, giving her a sideward look. The nice and cozy gush of the approaching practice makes me really feel a bit giddy and I take a step again.

“You okay, Aud? You look a bit peaky.” She locations a hand on my arm, involved. “Do you wish to sit down? We are able to catch the following practice if…”

“No, I’m high-quality. I’ve been overdoing it recently, that’s all. I simply wish to get house. I’ve bought a protracted day forward of me tomorrow.” The doorways slide open and we hover like a few vultures as passengers take their time getting off, then lunge at a few vacant seats as if our lives trusted it.

“I’ve been feeling a bit queasy recently and bloody exhausted,” I say because the practice trudges out of the platform. “My boobs are all achy.” I shuffle in my seat, “And I simply really feel irritable on a regular basis. I’m in all probability coming down with a virus.”

“Yeah, horrible feeling – I used to be like that after I was anticipating,”

Vicky says matter of factly. We smile on the thought, nodding, after which slowly take a look at one another – po-faced. “You’re not…?”

My eyes widen. “I can’t be…I…”

“When was the final time you had your interval?” A person sitting reverse glances up from his paper and offers us a glance as I shortly attempt to work out after I was final on.

“It’s been…oh…er…oh God, Vicky, I dunno, my interval’s been far and wide recently. I’ve by no means actually been common.”

“Come on, assume…per week, a month?”

“Erm…wait, give me an opportunity…er…one, two,” I mumble below Vicky’s watchful eye. However I can’t focus, my thoughts looks like a knot of cables. “About six or seven weeks or so…I believe.” I faucet my lips, my hand is shaking.

“You’ve bought to do a being pregnant take a look at.” She appears at her watch because the practice pulls into Tottenham Courtroom Street. “Shit, we’ve bought to alter right here for the Northern Line. By the point we get house the chemist might be shut.” She bites her backside lip thoughtfully. “There’s that each one night time one in Golders Inexperienced, although.”

“No,” I say, as we head for the Northern Line. “I haven’t bought time. I’ve bought to be up at 5. I’ll do it after I get again.”

“Okay, a day gained’t make any distinction. Will you inform Daniel or wait till you do the take a look at, simply to make sure?” I throw her a fleeting look. “Oh, God, Aud.” She stops strolling, grabs my arm, stilling me too. “Please inform me that you simply used a condom with Ronan.” I cringe and shake my head, panic escalating by means of my physique by the second. “Oh God.” She holds her head. “So it could be his?”

“Sure,” I hiss. “There’s a bloody good probability, particularly as Daniel at all times makes use of safety.” She nods, tells me that no contraception is 100 per cent, so it nonetheless could be his. “Oh, fucking hell, Vicky. What am I going to do?” I can’t breathe, the tunnel is closing in on me, I believe I’m going to faint. Vicky ushers me to a close-by seat.

“Don’t panic! Deep breaths. Come on, deep breath in, deep breath out, that’s it.”

“Are you all proper, love?” asks a sort wanting girl in a black woolly hat, lengthy coat and leather-based gloves.

“Sure, we’re high-quality.” Vicky smiles up at her. “She’s pregnant.” I give Vicky a daggered look. The girl nods knowingly and smiles earlier than persevering with on her journey. “Sorry, that simply got here out. You gained’t see her once more anyway. Are you feeling higher?” She takes a tissue from her bag and wipes the sweat off my brow. I nod. “Do you wish to inform Ronan?”

“Are you kidding me? He’s solely simply began seeing Tina once more – she’s caught by me over this enterprise with Nick and Louise, took my aspect over theirs. It’ll destroy our friendship if I inform her this. Oh, my God, I can’t imagine that is occurring,” I cry, holding my head in my palms.

“Okay, okay, take it straightforward, Hun.” Vicky places her arm round me and stares across the platform searchingly as if we’re a few fugitives on the run. “Go to Paris and do the take a look at while you come house. Don’t fear. I’ll make it easier to by means of this. Regardless of the consequence – no matter you determine to do.” I give her a pointy look.

“I can’t preserve it, Vicky. No means.”

38

“Bonjour, madam,” says the taxi driver as I climb into the again of his cab. We’ve simply bought off Eurostar and are heading for Notre Dame. It’s an unusually heat, sunny day for the top of November. I wore my signature beige mac however I’m already beginning to really feel the warmth, which implies I’ll should lug it round over my arm all day. Nice.

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